What I am trying to say is that I think I'm losing who I am again. To expand, I think that I'm changing again. If you take a look back at some of the posts in 2023 I talked a bit about this idea, the idea that we are all constantly changing people. The person who created this blog would eventually cease to exist, and a new person would come about. The person who was depressed in 2023 was led to K-On! and other Kyoani stuff to find confit. That person who was trying to find something, that directionless person That person who wrote all these posts would just go away.
Well, I've been noticing this slow change again over the last few months. I think it started with my developments just before my 20th birthday, I talked about it in Ordinary Life. To be frank too, with that title, I always intended it to be a turning point not only on this blog but hopefully in my life too. Coming to understand my place within the world really helped me out, I guess that's also part of growing up.
I think I've also come to this conclusion because I'm not watching as much anime as I once did. For instance, I'm watching K-On! right now, but it's the first time watching anime in weeks. I just don't have the time, or to be honest, the desire to watch it.
In the last few months, I've also become much more sociable. I go out with people much more often, Labor people, my old school friends, and I made lots of new friends in Kobe too. Not to mention that I've finally started dating. Well trying to at least, and you know it did work well.
All this development has me feeling that I'm just losing a bit of myself, maybe it's the last bit of my childhood I had left. I can't really explain it, it's just I know that I can't act the same way I did before. Being depressed all the time, longing for something far away, retreating into myself. I can't do that anymore. It's a bit sad, but exciting too.
I wanna keep growing but keep parts of myself that I like, I think that's what I need to work on this year. Like this blog, anime, games. But not forgetting about all my responsibilities. That is what real growth is I think, understanding that it's time to grow up, but not forgetting what made me who I am. No matter what happens I was always this person on this blog, and I can't forget that.
Still, though, it feels like I'm coming to the end of a chapter of my life, I have a clear direction for what I want in the future, a good social life, and I'm in the best mental state I've ever been in. That is why I took that trip to Ikebukuro Animate, it just felt right to see it. Something That I've mentioned back on my first Japan trip. I can't say why, but it was right to see something that I wanted to see from that era of my life.
Sorry for my rambles, I hope it all made sense.
See ya
I hate Sundays because it means that
I have stuff to do tomorrow.
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