As I speed away from Osaka, and in turn Kobe. I wanted to tell you all a story I just experienced.
Yesterday, I went on a date! It was great tbh, she was a great person and I'm happy I got to spend time with her. At the end of the night we also kissed at the top of Osaka station. Well, today we went out again. You see, I have to be in Tokyo tomorrow because I have an early morning flight on Friday so I wanted to be ready for it. But the thing is, I wanted to stay the night, because well you know. That.
MASSIVE side note. I haven't talked about this on the blog yet, but at the start of the month, I met a different girl. Well me and that other girl, well did it. It was my first time too. But I felt sick because of it, you see it was a one-night stand. And to be frank with you it disgusted me. I hated myself a little because of it. Even still, getting into the plus-18 stuff. It wasn't like the greatest thing of all time. Like it was kinda hard and kinda impersonal. What I did enjoy was just cuddling her, kissing, that sort of thing. It was softer, and more intimate than anything else I've ever done. But even still, the whole thing for me felt too weird. I just met her and now we're doing things? While I'm forever grateful to her for giving me the opportunity, it made me realise all these things. I just didn't want to do that again. I wanted something more. And also I think it's ok that I focus on myself again like I still have four and a half years' worth of school. So that's more important.
This brings me back to the girl I was with
today. Even though I didn't want another one-night stand, I just missed
that intimacy I had. So I went out with her, wanted to do it again.
and I know what you're going to day, that I'm just like every other pig
man trying to hunt for women. And you know what, I agree with you. Of
course I knew that, I'm not a moron. This was in the back of my head the
entire time I was with her. I was just suppressing it because I wanted
THAT more. Like some sort of caveman. Anyway, I checked when the last
Shinkansen was leaving, at 9:24 PM, and I told her that I wanted to make
it. But I kinda built my way up to staying. I kept talking to her,
trying to make up my mind. And look, this is completely a me thing,
nothing to do with her, I absolutely wanted to stay with her. But I just
knew I couldn't. It wasn't the right thing to do. So after passing around, and asking her what she wanted, and even my sister! I decided to leave. While I regret kissing her a bunch before I left, and kinda making her wait. I think I did the right thing in the end. I didn't do it, I didn't have that one-night stand before leaving and never seeing her again. I think it was the right choice. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, walking away from a fantastic person who wanted me. Even though I'll end up regretting it, for kinda obvious reasons, I'm still happy I did what it did. I think I did what a real man would have done, and I'm a little proud of myself. I think I grew a little.
I'm going to be posting over the next few days, just some leftovers from the last three weeks.
See ya.
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