A Collection of Thoughts

 I just had a thought, it came to me when I was thinking while I was thinking about something my mother said, “You’re only young once, so enjoy it.” Something finally clicked with me while I’ve heard that about a million times. I need to stop trying to get through life and just live it. I have spent too much time wanting to do things, or be someone else, and wishing I could have done more in the past. I just need to live in the now.

Coming on this trip has opened up my eyes to many things, though it might be weird having to carry all my belongings that I need for basic living, it has given me much thought. As in this, this is everything that represents me right now. If for instance, you were to create a time capsule of 20-year-old me, this would be a good start. The clothes I wear, shoes, watch, computers, books, headphones, anime crap I like. This is me.

Oh, another thing. While I was on the train yesterday, I was thinking about when I’ll be coming back to Japan. I might want to stay longer too, say six months or even a year. Then that thought led to another thought, What about after that? What if I end up enjoying that time too? What happens if I want to spend more time in Japan? Then I clicked, that’s just living there isn’t it? That’s what people don’t they? People just go places and go things because they like one area, or like one thing. Obviously, many do it for work, without a doubt. And you gotta be a fortunate person to have life turn out the way you kinda wanted it to turn out. Thought that’s super rare, I guess.

Tuesday was my last day of that program, and I decided to walk with my friends to the train station. There was a large group of us, like seven I think. It was a blast, just chatting and dicking around as we do. And I had another thought, I think this might be the last time I get to do something like this. Just going home from school, without having to worry about anything important. All I have to care about is what I’m eating that night. This whole idea extends to the whole program too, from dicking around on bus trips, in class, or together at night in our dorms. It was nice. I hope I can hang out with people like that again. Though I think I will.

Anyway, what was this post? Just a collection of my thoughts from the last few weeks that’s all.

See ya

Sometimes I think I spend too much time thinking

I think I did the right thing

As I speed away from Osaka, and in turn Kobe. I wanted to tell you all a story I just experienced.

Yesterday, I went on a date! It was great tbh, she was a great person and I'm happy I got to spend time with her. At the end of the night we also kissed at the top of Osaka station. Well, today we went out again. You see, I have to be in Tokyo tomorrow because I have an early morning flight on Friday so I wanted to be ready for it. But the thing is, I wanted to stay the night, because well you know. That. 

MASSIVE side note. I haven't talked about this on the blog yet, but at the start of the month, I met a different girl. Well me and that other girl, well did it. It was my first time too. But I felt sick because of it, you see it was a one-night stand. And to be frank with you it disgusted me. I hated myself a little because of it. Even still, getting into the plus-18 stuff. It wasn't like the greatest thing of all time. Like it was kinda hard and kinda impersonal. What I did enjoy was just cuddling her, kissing, that sort of thing. It was softer, and more intimate than anything else I've ever done. But even still, the whole thing for me felt too weird. I just met her and now we're doing things? While I'm forever grateful to her for giving me the opportunity, it made me realise all these things. I just didn't want to do that again. I wanted something more. And also I think it's ok that I focus on myself again like I still have four and a half years' worth of school. So that's more important. 

This brings me back to the girl I was with today. Even though I didn't want another one-night stand, I just missed that intimacy I had. So I went out with her, wanted to do it again. and I know what you're going to day, that I'm just like every other pig man trying to hunt for women. And you know what, I agree with you. Of course I knew that, I'm not a moron. This was in the back of my head the entire time I was with her. I was just suppressing it because I wanted THAT more. Like some sort of caveman. Anyway, I checked when the last Shinkansen was leaving, at 9:24 PM, and I told her that I wanted to make it. But I kinda built my way up to staying. I kept talking to her, trying to make up my mind. And look, this is completely a me thing, nothing to do with her, I absolutely wanted to stay with her. But I just knew I couldn't. It wasn't the right thing to do. So after passing around, and asking her what she wanted, and even my sister! I decided to leave. While I regret kissing her a bunch before I left, and kinda making her wait. I think I did the right thing in the end. I didn't do it, I didn't have that one-night stand before leaving and never seeing her again. I think it was the right choice. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, walking away from a fantastic person who wanted me. Even though I'll end up regretting it, for kinda obvious reasons, I'm still happy I did what it did. I think I did what a real man would have done, and I'm a little proud of myself. I think I grew a little.

I'm going to be posting over the next few days, just some leftovers from the last three weeks.

See ya. 

I hope I can be a better person

K-On! Monday! 59

Ngl, I kind forgot about today.

Talk tomorrow

See ya 

i was just checking the time and remembered 

Everyone hates me

Everyone hates me.  I don't know why, I always try so fucking hard and yet everyone still hates me. Is it because I try too hard? Do I say too much? I know there are things that I shouldn't have said but I just can't help myself. I just want people to like me, but I can't let things that I care about be trashed. I care too much. Should I just not care and instead focus on getting more friends? Or even people to like me? Or should I stand to what I believe is right? And I'm not just talking about politics, I'm talking about everything. Everything that I believe in. 

For context Ive been left behind by everyone I thought like me here. It was kinda obvious too. But I don't know what I did to everyone to get like this? Whats it something I did, or something said? I know some of them we're talking behind my back, I'm not stupid I saw it. I just don't know what to do. I might just keep to myself again, that usually helps.

I'm just so fucking sick of this. I always try so fucking hard and it always ends like this. I even tell people that I have autism and it doesn't change anything. Noone ever understands me, or trys to. I'm just tired of it. I just hate myself. Why does that happen to me. What can I do to be better. I want to be better. I thought that this would be over after school but it isn't. Why.

K-On! Monday 58!

 All right, let's do this. 

Welcome back to K-On! Monday! 

Now I don't have anything new with regards to K-On! So instead I'll show the desk in my dorm.

See, it's Yui!

My desk

This is what I'm using on this trip, kinda cosy I won't lie. I might post the rest of the photos tomorrow, If I'm not lazy. 

Anyway, seeing the date today. You would know that it's the end of the world, well kinda. That's right folks, those morons in America get Trump 2.0 today. Even though I'm Australian, I still have to care. Because what the Americans do, we have to follow them. But let's not talk about the heat death of the human race today, it'll ruin K-On! Monday! Let's instead talk about a little story I have from four years ago today. It's nothing special to be honest, but I got my switch in the summer of 2020/21, and played the crap out of Zelda and the Mario 3d collection. At the same time, I was watching a show called Lupin the 3rd, part II if you're interested. It's also around the same time I started my old blog, if you can find it you could read the posts from back then. Anyway, I decided to stay up on the 20th to watch Biden's inauguration. So in the summer heat, I played Super Mario Sunshine while watching Lupin until 3amish. Then I watched Biden get sworn in. I'll never forget that summer night, I don't know why but it screams childhood to me. Just everything about it, I really miss those days. But I could never imagine being here four years later. What a journey I've had, and I'm really grateful to everyone who has helped me along the way. 

So when I look back on Biden's presidency, while many may have thought it was wasted. I enjoyed it, not just because of what the man achieved, and he did a lot. But what I achieved personally too. I totally evolved as a person, and I'm much happier now than I was then. If I could go back to that summer night and tell myself anything, I'd say that everything was going to be ok. It might just work out. 

Oh, except that dipshit and co is about ruin everything, oh well

See ya

I should really start playing games again

especially with that new switch coming out

K-On! Monday! 57

 HELLO EVERYONE!

Welcome back to another K-On! Monday! Today lets take a look at some more new K-On! merch I got last week!

It's a Key Chain!

Here it is!

I got it from the music store from K-On! I also got another thing I'll show off next week. 

Anyway, I've been really tired recently, I don't know why. I've also been sick again, and that throat pain from last time came back. 

I hope to do more writing this week. I want to get more stuff out, plus go out and explore Japan too. I'm going out right now to watch the new Sonic movie again. Can't wait 

I'll see you all again soon, hopefully

See ya

K-On! Monday! 56

Hey all, 

I'm going to make this short, I'll go into detail tomorrow. For context I had food poisoning last night and spent it in front of a toilet. Plus I have a cold right now, so that's great. It's also really fucking cold here. 

Anyway, I just wanted to show off this new K-On merch I got from akihabara last week. 

It's this cute little drink coaster. There was also a mouse pad but it was too much for me. Especially because it wasn't that big. I've got more cool things too, I can't wait to show them off. Anyway, I might post again tomorrow. 

See ya