The Future

I'm going to be honest with you all, I have no idea what I'm doing. 

I feel like in going in cycles here. I have these highs, where I think I have things figured out. Then I just spiral into a pit again. The last few days I've been spending too much time mulling on my decisions and direction in life. It's definitely my fault, I've been getting recommended those videos about college/university majors, on all the platforms I use. I see all sorts of things about adulthood, and I'm just losing my mind here. 

This post is titled "The Future", and what does that mean? Well, I'm still not sure about my direction in life. If I'm being honest with you all (again), I still don't know if engineering is right for me. Honestly, I don't know what is right for me. Sometimes I think I'm just distracting myself, like learning Japanese for example, should I continue? Will I actually need it in my life? Or is it just a distraction? 

Or it isn't. Look I wrote those first two paragraphs a few hours ago, and since then I've spoken to someone and calmed myself down. I think my problem is that I overthink things too much, and I think I've been over-studying too much. Let's start with overthinking, once I have a thought about myself I just spiral into deep thought, digging myself into a dark hole of my thoughts. I need to do what I did today more often and just talk to someone about what I'm thinking. 

Next is my over-study thing. Now, I don't know how much of a problem this actually is. But I do believe that I need to use my time more effectively, right now I think I'm spending too much time studying, or at least trying to. Doing this for the last few weeks has left me burnt out, and I need to get on top of it before next year. 

Now back to the matter at hand. I think it's fine that I don't know what I want to do. Look, I'm only 20 I've still got years left of my young adult life. Even still, I don't really need to figure something out until mid-next year. 

Look the future is scary, honestly, it's fucking terrifying. However, tomorrow always comes, and I just need to face it.

See ya

I need better time management skills, otherwise ill burnout.

I think I need to treat university like a job.