Loneliness

You know I've realised something, I'm lonely. Maybe it's the 1am talking, but I just keep coming back to this same constant theme in my life right now. It's my own fault, I'm fully aware. I have always had a hard time making friends outside of school. I remember always losing contact on school holidays, I used to worry about what my post-school life would be like. How I wouldn't keep in contact with anyone, and I couldn't find any new people to chat with. Look, I know I'm no different to anyone else, and this isn't some sob story either. My life is great outside of this, my Japanese exam went well, I hope. I also got my history essay back, and I did pretty well. I'm fine. But it doesn't stop me from worrying about my future, and my present. I feel like I'm missing out on something, like not going out and enjoying the twilight years of my youth. I already feel like I didn't make the most of high school, and now I'm scared I'm doing it again. I can't barely sleep anymore, I'm always awake thinking this. This blog probably doesn't help either, it's just fuelling my isolationist personality and my ego. I cover up my feelings by talking about K-on constantly, like some child. This stupid self-depressing, self-doubting, self-obsessing crap isn't going to help. I don't know what I need to do. 

It's been about one year since I first watched K-On, it was either the 14th or 15th, I can't remember. Somethings I would what would be different if I never fell into watching anime like I do now, would I feel the same way? or would it be worse? I'll never know, all I do know is that I'm still a lot happier now than I was then, and isn't that all that matters?

See ya

It's 1:17 am and I'm running on five hours of sleep

I need to sleep more.