The melancholy of life

 I was writing a book review for uni tonight when a song came on, Someday in the Rain. It's a song that can only be described by one word, melancholic. That feeling of prolonged sadness you just can't rid of. You know what the hardest part of growing up is, realising that everything is up to you now. Not just the simple things like cooking, cleaning, or paying taxes. It's understanding that every choice in your life is up to you now. That you can do whatever you want. No one will tell what to do, or where to go. No teachers telling you what to do next, it's up to you. It's your life, and it's up to make of it. 

What does this have to do with that song you ask? That song just embodies it, doesn't it? Life is just a long stretch of sadness and melancholy, unyielding to all but a few. We all go about our lives mostly the same way, in our own little worlds, unphased by everyone else. I hate it. But what can I do?  Some might chase a woman, others money, and some might look for aliens, time-travellers or espers. But what do I want to do? The weight of this question IS melancholy. this unhappiness with life because we don't have a direction, a purpose, or a reason to live. 

People spend all their lives picking their brains at these questions. Hundreds of thousands of novels, movies, and TV shows try to answer the question, but most give flimsy answers. In the end, we won't figure it out sitting by. 

I said a few months ago that I love rain, "comforting, it's warm, nostalgic, and reminds me of the past." It also helps me think, and think about life. This song is just perfect that, for thinking about life, and what it means to me. 

I don't think is a real, singular answer to these questions. It's just up to us to figure out why we're here, and what we want to do in our lives. 

Who knows, someday just sitting in the rain, we might find that out.

See ya

Switching it up today, 

you should go watch Haruhi if you haven't already.

K-On! Monday XVI

Alright, so I'm writing an essay right now, super stressed out. But it is still K-On! Monday! 

These next two items are from my Japan trip last November, take a look!

My ticket to and pick from Toyosato!

As you can see, it's just some moments from my trip to Toyosato. I'll have to spend some time soon writing about my full experience. But for now,

See ya

K-On! Monday XV

 Up to 15 already? Welcome Back to K-On! Monday! everyone!

Take a look at this!

Its a little booklet

Well what is it you ask? It's a booklet that contains the sheet music for Go! Go! Maniac and Listen!! Both season 2's first Op and Ed. Go! Go! Maniac is probably my favourite K-On! Op, mostly because of that hallway scene, I think i've said this before. Though I'll admit that Utauyo!! MIRACLE is growing on me quite alot recently. 

I love how they use the show's instrument logos here

This the start of Go! Go! Maniac looks like, if you know how to play, give it a shot! I got this while in Japan, obviously. I was visiting a Surugaya specialty store in Osaka when I passed it by and immedaly picked it up. I have another one too, its much bigger as well. The store also had one containing the movie's songs, but it was waaayyy over priced, sucks huh?

It also came with a CD that had the backing tracks, I'll show it later, gotta stretch that content. 

In other news I started work again today, yayyyyy...... Yeah I know. To 'celebrate' I bought myself a new figurine! Well at least I hope I did. Its a Yui nendoroid, i've never owned one before. So I just want to find out what its like. Though it isn't helping my obsession with K-On! Honestly if you told me two years ago what I'll belike now, man, he might just hate me. Oh well, who cares anyway? 

Anyway you all have a great week! I'll try and write something tomorrow.

See ya

K-On! Monday! XIV

ngl, I'm kinda sick right now. It's probably just a head cold, well I hope it is. I had to work today, so I've been studying since I got home this afternoon. Since about 7 PM I've really head down hill. I'm not feeling too good right now. In other news The boy and the Heron won at the Oscars, if you care about that sort of thing. I don't care that much, but it's nice to see good movies got rewarded. 

I've got nothing planned for K-On! Monday, and since I'm feeling sick I don't want to write anything. So heres a photo from the movie album. 

It uses the album art

It's also printed on photo paper. It's just a small bonus from the cd album, hope you like it. Anyway hope you all have a good week.

See ya

K-On! Monday XIII

 Alright, let's make this quick. I really need to stop leaving these so late, I literally have all day. Happy K-On! Monday! everyone. Today is going to be about the little figuring I keep on my Mac. Now I don't just have Yui, I'm not that sad. Both Link from Zelda and Yor from Spy x Family are there. 

See look, Yui on my Mac

You can just make out Link's bow to the left. Now where did I acquire this you may ask, online! of course. It was in that shipment from a few weeks ago. While I would have loved to find more little things like this in Japan, sadly I couldn't. I actually have a still new one as well, might show it one day. 

However, I did get that Link and Yor in Japan. Link from a Gashapon machine, and Yor from a bath bomb weirdly enough. I think I bought it in Kyoto, from a family mart on the corner of a four-way intersection. I was out with my parents getting dinner, curry I think, and then we stopped on the way back to get supplies. I decided to grab it because it was Spy x Family related, season 2 was airing at the time. 

Back to Yui, I don't know why I keep it here, or the fact she stuck it in a cup. It just looks nice I think, weird how it stares at me though, creepy. Anything that's it for tonight, have fun this week, I probably won't. Well, who knows. OH WAIT A MINUTE, BOCCHI THE ROCK RELEASES ON BLU-RAY TOMORROW! WE ARE SET.

See ya

Why i quit Uni

With March already in full swing, I'm finally back at university. Today, I want to lay down why I quit last time. Review the students' attitude, and the work itself.

If you aren't aware, people who take arts degrees tend to be obnoxious dicks. Now, not every single person who has ever obtained an arts degree is a dick, far from it. Many great leaders of our time have arts degrees. But a large chunk, and I mean LARGE, are total rich pricks. It might just be me, but I can't stand the way some of them act and look at you. Maybe it's just where I'm from, I think lots of them grew up in the more affluent areas. Now I'm not saying I'm poor, not that would matter. I think it's just where I grew up, who I'm friends with, and so on. Some of the best people I've met at Uni come from similar places where I did. I think it all got a bit much for me and overwhelmed me. As I've alluded to before, and you could probably tell, I have autism. So these people and the total change in atmosphere from high school just got to me, which leads me to my next point.

The Uni work itself fucking terrified me. Having autism my academic skills, particularly my ability to write, are honestly terrible. Well, that was until the last three years of school, thanks to my two English teachers, I improved greatly. To the point where I was able to get into Uni, using just my English skills as well! But as you can probably understand, that's left me with a problem. I'm terrified of failing because of poor English skills. Well maybe not terrible, but I still have those lingering thoughts. So when I showed up on that first day, and was baraded with all these tasks that required my 'sub-par writing skills'. I froze up. And probably like a coward, ran away. I understand now, that blaming that last politics lecture was the wrong move. I thought that was the reason I left, disserting with the idea of pol being taught. But I get it now, I was just scared, and couldn't admit it to anyone, let alone myself. I didn't actively use my old blog at the time so I didn't have this outlet. I've always struggled with telling people my real feelings and hiding them with jokes. So joking about how bad I thought the pol lecture was just a mask, instead, I was just scared. It could have been lazy too? I really don't know, and I'm not going to make excuses. 

After I quit it took a little while before the depression set in. I've always been really hard on myself. I hated the idea of failing, I've always wanted to prove to others and myself that I'm capable of doing things, especially academically. I probably had too much weight on myself when I went to Uni, so when I failed and ran away. It was like a truck hit me, I hated myself. I failed. I'm a failure. I'll never amount to anything. Real dark shit, I know. That plus not talking to people anymore, and the situation I was working in really led me to hate myself. It's at this point I started to really get into anime. I'll spare the details, but the reason I love Your name, Haruhi, and especially K-On! so much because I discovered them around this time. Not to sound cringe, but they changed my life. They helped me get over many things, again especially K-On! I really can't stress enough how much K-On! affected and changed me. I rewatched the movie again last night, and I remember why. I think it helped me close the book on high school, I probably wasn't over it yet. Plus so many more things, I could go on. 

But going to Uni this time round, I think things will be different. The plan has changed. I'm back now, I feel integrated and have a new purpose. I could probably credit The Wind Rises as well, but that's a story for another day. I know how cringe it is to watch anime, and then go on to learn Japanese. But I don't care. At least I have something to hold onto. That's what I have this time, something to strive for. I still don't know what it is I'm searching for, but I think I'm looking in the right place. I'm still scared of failing, hell yeah. But this time, I won't bow out, this time I want to do it, I need to do it. 

See ya

I'm studying Japanese now btw