The following post was written for my old blog. I won't link to it, as it's mostly private. The reason I'm posting it here is because it does include some of my thoughts about the last three years. Enjoy!
If you've ever wondered where I got the name Monitor from, it's from Crisis on Infinite Earths, the DC book. The Monitor was the person who gathered all the heroes to stop the Anti-Monitor from destroying the multiverse. I didn't have any reason for the name, If I did I'd forgotten it by now. You'd have to ask me from three years ago. The person who created this place. Looking back these three years have been the most transformative of my life. For most of us, it's the same, you change in the twilight years of childhood. You grow up. Change into the person that'll carry you into adulthood. Though this blog wasn't used much, I'm still glad it's here. I have the opportunity to see that change. To see that young, scared, 16-year-old turn into the person I am today.
Looking back through these posts, I share most of my worries. I still doubt myself too much, I put too much pressure on myself, I still think I'm a bad person, and I still don't talk about my feelings. But a lot has changed as well, I've grown up. I understand the world more, understand my place in it. Well, I think I do. I could go into my advancements in politics and general interests, but why bother? That's not what I'm here to talk about, I'm here to say this little experiment is over.
In my initial post three years ago, I said that this blog would only exist during high school. While I did continue on for the first half of 2023, I think it's time to move on. This will be the end of Monitor's Blog
To be honest with you. I actually made this choice months ago, But I didn't want to leave this place in the state it's in. Those last posts are, to be frank, depressing. I wasn't in the right place when I wrote them. The first of which I wrote in December of 2022, just after leaving school I was working full time while most of my friends had time off. Then when I did, none of them seemed to want to hang out with me. This is something I'm still struggling with today.
The two posts in May and June are a result of quitting University. As alluded to before, I'm scared of failure and I doubt myself too much. Which led me to quit Uni before I even started. Call me what you want, but it still wouldn't be one one hundredth of what I told myself. I hated myself. To me, I was a complete failure. This plus the collapse of my social life led to probably my darkest period. It was all self inflicted of course. I understand that, and I've worked hard to repair it. These three posts represent this low point, and I feel that they are necessary to understand their context. It's not the content that matters, it's what they represent that does.
As for the future, back in September, I created a new blog, Barstool74.net. I've actually been active over there regularly for the last few months. If you want to continue reading about my life, I'll ask you to go over there. I've been having a lot of fun writing it. It's a lot like this place but without all the teenage depression.
In retrospect, I believe the name Monitor was the right choice. Like the Monitor, I didn't want the status quo to change. I was terrified of change. Like the Monitor, I resisted that change. But where we differ is most important, the Monitor was fighting destruction how his multiverse. I was fighting growing up and at the end of High School. The thing is we both lost. I left school and the DC universe rebooted into its post-crisis era. A period most readers, myself included, consider to be their best. We'll just see what the future has for me.
Thanks for sticking around, see you around.
Of course, I'm still sticking around here. Happy K-On! Monday everyone.
See ya
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